A Letter To My Senior Self

Emily Carpenter, Junior Staff Writer

Dear Emily,

In the span of four brief years, you have experienced immense pressure, intense rigor, and amongst all other critical emotions- overwhelming happiness. Your happiness has not come easily, it has been a painstaking, everlasting expedition that will remain an eternal struggle for the rest of your life. Upon entering high school, you brought most of the same baggage that terrorized you in middle school. All of the obstacles that hindered you from your own euphoria all seem so trivial now. Back then, you felt as though the miniscule world that engulfed you was suffocating. Despite the infinitesimal mishaps, your displeasure and anxiety was your most prominent attribute. You know now that your feelings are never sedentary, they are always morphing, fulfilling any role that you assign them to. You are a shapeshifter. You can constrict yourself into the lowest version of your personality, or you can stand at a grandiose height and overlook the world with a sort of spirited introspection that manifests the reality of the superfluous matters that burden you.


You have spent four years pondering what you are truly living for. Are you living for the expectations of others? Are you alive to adhere to the critique of others? Will you ever find bliss and contentedness towards your surroundings? To put it simply, the answer to those questions is absolutely not. You are not the victim of your own pity party, you are not the subject of your own selfish sorrow, and above all you are not the subject of projection for others to take advantage of. You will always be chasing the desire to capture the sunshine and all of its bright, boisterous features, however its inflamed aura will not dry the tears resulted from your hurt and heartache. Do you really want to burn the memories of your excruciating pain, and inflict retribution on the demons that have constructed your independence and courage to face them? It’s ironic how the horrific misery that you have undergone is the same substance that has provided exponential growth within the past four years. Spending your life chasing the sunshine and its seemingly endless brightness will only bring desolation and ruin to the past that has made you into who you are today. If you always feel drought for the sadness in your life, you will never grow. Sometimes it’s more beneficial to have rain in order to help bloom parts of yourself that would have never surfaced without living through the brokeness and the vast void of longing for something more. The sunshine in your mind is only temporary, much like the rain. However, intermingling both in a harmonious state is a utopia that you have the opportunity to embrace. It’s enticing to stay stagnant in one of those states, to be enthralled by the broadness of their insufferable features. No matter their captivating deception, intertwining the two is what brings true relief and balance to your life.


I hope your aspirations next year are achieved with the utmost effort and ease. What you do from now on will be a determining factor in your future career, so confront your tasks with grace and elegance. Remember that your health is more important than being excessively worrisome of what others think of you. Stay yourself, and the right people will enter your life with the compassion and admiration that you wish for. Keep in mind that the world is larger than what surrounds you, and is compiled of diverse ethnicities and cultures, all of which you can learn from and divulge in. Be adaptive and responsive to change. There is no use in staying stuck in a conventional routine when the world is full of so much opportunity and wondrous exploration. You are doing your best, and that is all I could ever ask of you.


Stay Curious,